Pope Francis deletes first tweet, unarchives the Internet

- Pope Francis deletes first tweet, dismissing it as “ridiculous”
- Coloured smoke emoticons to be added to social networking service
- Church eyes up Pontifex as contraceptives brand name

The world’s newest Catholic has taken a swipe at social network Twitter’s archiving abilities, by deleting a tweet.

Pope deletes first tweet

The message, which was written in an odd, ancient European-looking language read “HABEMUS PAPAM FRANCISCUM” – a phrase that initially baffled boffins around the world, but eventually came out translated as “Francis has brought loo paper”.

Pope Francis deletes first tweet: HABEMUS PAPAM FRANCISCUM

The Pope got the idea for the tweet a year ago during the Vatican AGM which never had any toilet paper.

Tweeted from his Pontifex account shortly after his victory in Pope Idol earlier this year, the Argentinian had this to say of his Internet u-turn:

“I saw, like, all this smoke spewing out of that church place… And it made me start thinking about all the duties I will now have as Pope. I’ve always been quite a down-to-Earth person, never been one for flash transport or big parties in my honour.”

“Anyways, I remembered something from last year’s Vatican AGM. I’d just joined my local church and won some tickets in the raffle to go along – pretty wicked, eh? Anyway, while I was there, I found the lavvies were always out of paper.”

“So imagine when I found out I was going to live there: I had to show the world that things would be sorted under me, that paperless bogs were a thing of the past. ‘Francis has brought loo paper’ seemed simple and eloquent.” (Translation applied)

After coming down from the occasion and having a sleep or two, Franny re-read his tweet on Twitter and was revolted.

“A few days later, I took a look at it and immediately despised myself for the words,” he tweeted at WollyDong on Twitter, “it was kind-of ridiculous of me”.

“Now, people always say ‘be careful with the Internet, because once it is on there, it is on there forever’. Well, I found out that this is not true. I found there is a Delete button on Twitter and, here’s the thing, all you have to do is press it!”

The deleted tweet has been regarded by many in the Church of Internets as a two-fingered salute at the prophet Twitter, but since we don’t have any quotes to back this part up, we’ll rock on to the next part of this story now. Hopefully, you’ll still buy it?

Erm, segue, erm, emoticons are all the rage on the Internet, with many users opting to ditch letters entirely and send messages composed solely of this miniaturised Clipart 2.0.

Following the Pope’s recent election and the social media buzz it generated, Twitter’s developers are said to be rumoured to be possibly in talks about maybe adding simple smoke emoticons to the service.

This would enable breaking news agencies who choose to break their news on Twitter, to break the news cleanly and efficiently to their followers every time there is a Pope-off.

The additions would initially include only black and white smoke, though an insider told us that, if progress dictated it, they would look at including pink smoke in the future.

When asked if they were considering registering the name Pontifex for use in the contraceptives industry, the source replied “I dunno mate, I work at Twitter. Maybe ask the Catholic Church?”

So we did. On Twitter.

Going straight to the top, Pope Fran (which is our name for him – he loves it!) told us that while there are definitely no immediate plans for the church to start producing contraceptives, he says that if they ever do, Pontifex will be the name they use.

“It’s got it all: It’s ours and it would look so darn good stamped on a steel chastity belt! Move over Durex!” he tweeted to us on Twitter.

That tweet has now been deleted.

Author: The Wolly Don on March 29, 2013
Category: C, P
Tags: , , , , ,

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