How to get away with cheating – So, you fancy yourself as a bit of a lothario do you?
Like the sound of a bit of cheating?
Before you go out on the hunt for a potential cheat-cohort, be sure to read our comprehensive* guide on getting away with playing away.
This guide is intended as a guide only. It is intended to help you through the process of becoming a top choice, grade A cheater.
It should be noted that being a great cheater does not lead to improved well being. In many cases the two are negatively correlated.
Use of this guide is granted on the proviso that your understanding of the above is reached.
There are three steps to becoming a successful cheater. Follow these and you will transform yourself into an immortal Russell Brand type character.
1. Cheat
It sounds obvious when written down, but the first stage really is to complete the cheat.
You are going to struggle to get away with cheating if you have not or are not cheating. Go get some cheating done! And we don’t mean card-counting down your local casino, no, bring home some meat!
2. Protect
Your road to a successful career as a cheater is going to hit the wall prematurely if you fail to look after yourself through proper protection.
Cheating is not about the protection of others, but your good name will be ruined if word gets out about anything you’re spreading. What’s more, you could end up with all manner of complications.
In the interests of yourself, protection when cheating is key.
3.Tell
You haven’t gotten away with it if you haven’t told your partner! You’ve “done it”, you’ve “committed it”, but you haven’t truly “got away with it” until your other half knows.
If you’re keeping it from them, all you are doing is prolonging the inevitable; get it out and get away with it.
Telling will only lead to more opportunities to cheat in the long run, so get it out and enjoy more clout.
If your partner leaves you, then hard luck: You didn’t get away with cheating on this occasion. Go back to point one and try again as more opportunities present themselves.
As we recognised at he start, cheating really isn’t to be seen as a way out of a messy life situation; it’s for the person with the perfect life who wants to be taken down a peg or two.
Have you had any experience with cheating and getting away with it? Let us know your story any any tips below!
*3-stage, simplified guide
How do I recover from Google Penguin? – Muck! You’ve just found out you’re the latest victim of Google Penguin.
How do you come back after taking such a hit? Can anything be done to get yourself back to where you were?
We answer both those questions, plus take a look at some case studies of recent Google Penguin victims.
You’re just home from work, there’s water on your front steps and last night’s anchovy pizza has been polished off. This or similar circumstances probably mean you’ve been a victim of the dreaded Penguin.
Bred in Hamilton Zoo, New Zealand in 1986, the Google Penguin is a unique type of penguin.
Standing at 4 metres high, its head is comparable in size to a Cozy Coupe car by Little Tikes. Its shriek is shrill, similar to the sound of a tsunami warning siren attempting to perform Michael Jackson’s ‘The Way You Make Me Feel’ acapella.
Another interesting point to note about the penguin is its colour: It has more than one. The very tip of the penguin’s head is blue, with the lower half red. Further down its neck, the colour is yellow, before its shoulders return the sequence to blue. Witnesses have told how it is quite a frightening penguin to run in to, especially late at night and even more so under bright neon lights.
Aside from leaving one’s steps slippery and eating up leftovers, the main result of a visit from the Google Penguin is a slump in one’s ranking on the World’s largest search engine and a resultant fall in traffic.
Don’t have a website to lose traffic on? In this case, a visit from the penguin will affect the website of your nearest neighbour.
Like most things in life, there is no better recipe for recovery than time. Let minutes, months and years heal your woes.
Obviously, along with time, a good clean up is recommended. Use a mop to dry the steps. Those without a mop may benefit from reading the book Mopping For Those Without A Mop.
If the penguin has left anchovy pizza everywhere, then give the floor a good wipe too. Use an antibacterial spray to scrub it clean. This will ensure a speedy recovery.
Website-wise, common advice out there includes shutting your website down and starting a new one. A simple shift of domain from your domain.com to yourdomain1.com is sufficient to constitute starting over. Your customers will hardly know the difference!
Another option is to continue as-is and just build up again. But that can be quite depression-inducing.
Obviously, if you have no website, simply deny you had a visit from the penguin and go about your daily business as normal so not to draw attention to yourself.
There is currently no confirmed preventative measures you can take against a guest appearance from ol’ pengy. In early 2012, however, a Christopher Robinson in Surrey, England found that leaving a glass of stale dandelion and burdock on one’s doorstep can act as a penguin deterrent.
He discovered this after a local penguin breeder suffered a breakout and lost several newborns. Robinson found that, with a glass out the front of his house, none of the escaped penguins came near his house, despite the fact he lived less than 80 miles from the breeder’s house.
Have you suffered a visit from the Google Penguin? Have you discovered a deterrent? Share your advice below!
How would a business plan aid an entrepreneur? – A question that stumps many, but if we’re honest, needs answering!
Business plan aids are the hearing aids of the business world. Without them, business would not be able to listen to the market and see its way through the “murky clouds of commerce”.
The use of business plan aids is by far a better alternative to fumbling your way through. In fact, a famous entrepreneur once remarked that business plan aids can “do everything except HR”.
Many businesses these days opt to release new products under the guise of an entrepreneur. Research shows the public are ten to a hundred-time more receptive to the “poor-man-done-good” story that sits with an entrepreneur than they are to large conglomerates swallowing everything whole and releasing new products left, right and centre. A business plan aid can help your entrepreneur make great decisions, as well as look and sound the part in the media.
There are several business plan aids on the market today. Entry level models provide basic direction, economic guidance, elasticity calculators and a version of Paper, Scissors, Rock for those all-important deal decisions.
The more-advanced business plan aids manage to incorporate real-time stock information, Magic 8-ball for determining one’s future and a competition bugging, allowing you to listen live to your competitor’s boardroom affairs.
Contrary to popular belief, business plan aids were not an offshoot of hearing aids, but were invented by a former MI5 developer who had found work on set for the Bond movie A View To A Kill. The anonymous creator soon left work on the movie when he realised the potential for his invention if applied on Wall Street.
Business plan aids essentially work on the premise that they are easy to fit, easy to use and hard to stuff up. All information is provided in audio-format, through the wearer’s ear.
When plan-aiding an entrepreneur, simply select the business plan aid that is right for your budget.
It is important that the entrepreneur you have chosen to represent your company’s new arm is able to talk-the-talk and your new business plan aid is going to get them doing just that!
Try to ask your entrepreneur questions like “Do you need aid-plan logging or will your own memory suffice?”, “Who are the potential competitors for this project and will they be worth listening in to?” and “Do you prefer Paper, Scissors, Rock or Magic-8 for difficult decisions?”.
A look through the features of the business plan aid you are planning to purchase will then help you arrive at the correct model for your needs.
Order, await its arrival, take a quick glance at the instructions and you’re away. You’ll be top of the tree by lunch!
Have you had any experiences with business plan aids? Are there models you can’t recommend? Is spying on your competition unethical? We’d love to hear your thoughts below.
How long does ice stay in a cooler?- There are currently three factors known to man that affect the amount of time ice will stay in the cooler for. It is important that you get your head around these before you begin to calculate the amount of time ice will stay in the cooler. Below we run you through the methods in calculating precisely how long ice will stay in the cooler for.
For ice to have stayed in a cooler, it needs to be still present in that same cooler at the time when the ice is being checked up on. For simplicity’s sake, we’ll relabel “the time the ice is being checked up on” as The ice in the cooler event period marker nodule 2. Got that? OK, here’s the guide.
There are currently three known factors that will affect how long ice stays in a cooler. These are:
1. The amount of ice (water) placed in the cooler;
2. The position of the cooler door;
3. The operational state of the cooler;
4. The third-party forces exerted upon the ice (water).
NB: You will notice that it says ‘water’ in brackets after each mention of ice above. That’s because ice is in fact frozen water and you should note this fact as part of your calculations.
1. The amount of ice placed in the cooler is important.
Let’s imagine, for a moment, a cooler with 0g of ice left in it. We can instantly see, without needing calculation, that the amount of time that amount of ice will stay in the cooler for is infinity seconds.
Conversely, if we imagine a cooler stuffed with about 15kg of ice, we can envisage the ice staying in the cooler for approximately an hour. We say ‘envisage’ because we haven’t taken into account the other factors yet.
2. The closure of the cooler door will have a tremendous effect on the amount of time you can expect ice to stay in your cooler. If you can’t close your cooler door, or won’t, that’s fine. The formula below can be used to calculate how long your ice will remain in your cooler at any door angle.
Where:
N2 = The ice in the cooler event period marker nodule 2 (in milliseconds)
W = The amount of ice (water) in the cooler
D = The angle at which you plan on leaving the door open (closed = 0)
Where possible, you should complete this calculation at least 25 hours prior to placing the ice in the cooler.
3. The operational state of the cooler is an important factor. This basically refers to whether the cooler is switched to ‘on’ or ‘off’. There are many subtle levels found between the ‘on’ and the ‘off’ setting, but for the purposes we’re outlining here, we shall assume there are not.
If F1 is the formula we showed you above, the calculation required if you wish to build in the fact the cooler is switched to ‘on’ is thus:
Likewise, the formula you deploy if the cooler is switched to ‘off’ is:
4. Third-party forces exerted on anything can affect anything. That’s why the above calculations should only be accepted as correct on the condition that there are no third-party forces likely to upset the balance. Upset balances lead to non-staying ice.
For instance, ice is not going to remain in the cooler very long if your four-year-old is planning on removing it with its grubby little fingers after only five minutes. This is due to the minute salts found in toddler-grub acting to melt the ice and turn it back into its natural state of water.
In fact, if any person of any age removes the ice from the cooler, The ice in the cooler event period marker nodule 2 has been shown to be less.
As you can see there is still a margin of error found when calculating the amount of time ice plans on sticking around in the cooler. It is still a developing science with many thousands of studies being carried out year-round in an effort to get the best answer to you.
Had an experience with ice staying in a cooler? Know someone who has found something new on the topic? Let us know!
How To Soap is a degree course offered by a number of United States universities.
The course, brainchild of hand washing legend Martin Wadsworth, offers students the chance to learn everything there is to know about lathering and rinsing. Alongside these practical skills, the course also covers the selection of soap in the store, the transportation of the soap to your home, opening or unwrapping the soap, hard and soft waters and the soaper’s ultimatum: to foam or not to foam.
Many parents were initially unwilling to pay for their child to attend such a course, but fortunately demand trickled in through a small number of scholarships. The merits of the course were spread via social networking sites and before America’s universities knew it, they had a hotcake on their hands.
A number of top institutions are currently developing a Masters programme for the course.
According to the Merriam Webster online dictionary ‘Smothering’ is:
1: to overcome or kill with smoke or fumes
2 a: to kill by depriving of air b: to overcome or discomfit through or as if through lack of air c: to suppress (a fire) by excluding oxygen
3 a: to cause to smolder b: to suppress expression or knowledge of <smothered his rage> c: to stop or prevent the growth or activity of <smother a child with too much care> ; also : overwhelm d: to cover thickly : blanket <snow smothered the trails> e: to overcome or vanquish quickly or decisively4: to cook in a covered pan or pot with little liquid over low heat Source
However as good as the dictionary is it does not answer the widly asked question “How To Not Smother?”.
As smothering effectively involves inhibiting the ability for air to reach places that it needs to, for example your lungs, not smothering is simply a matter of making sure that there is still a way for air to reach it’s needed destination.
This could involve using a pillow with holes to only fake smother the desired target. or making sure that you use less sand than needed to extinguish (thus not smothering) an out of control fire.