Why engineers are good in bed

Why engineers are good in bed – is an age-old belief, said to be linked more to the actions of a PR company and a wannabe model in the 1980s, than any one case study.

Engineers are said to have an impeccable conduct record inside the covers of a bed. Once in a bed, engineers curl up, sleep and will not be heard to snore even once throughout the night.

The reasons for this are still up for discussion between academics, although tiredness and workload have been mooted as a generally acceptable reason for this.

Just why are engineers so good in bed?

In the beginning there were no beds. Although impossible to imagine, early human beings slept on damp, cold, stoney cave floors. Before the first engineer discovered fire, and the second engineer discovered how to store fire, for use at a later date, our ancestors would sleep warmth-less, listening to the sound of dripping water nearby.

The fact there was no such thing as a bed is only fortunate, since the introduction of a Queen size into the pack at this stage in our evolution would have only resulted in numerous jealous scraps.

One thing that is known about this early man is that they were very respectful of engineers’ inventions. Every time the engineers would invent something new, the common primitive man would hold aloft the new item and proclaim it “a miracle”.

Sacrifice of the engineer would usually follow.

The sacrificial ritual would usually bear some relation to the engineering breakthrough: Fire discoveries would see the engineer torched to death; tool inventions would follow with a deadly implementation of said tool; even the lady who invented the wheel found herself strapped to one and rolled several hundred miles out of town and into a swamp.

These miracle-worshipping terminations continued as recently as 1987.

It was late 1986 when the World Engineers’ Council decided enough was enough. Everybody seemed to have equal rights, save engineers. The world now housed enough evidence to disprove the existence of a god and miracles, and the engineers wanted to start receiving some respect and gratitude for all the modernities they had bestowed humanity.

They set about a plan, called Operation Save Face, in which they began the slow, gruelling process of improving the public opinion of engineers.

A worldwide PR company was drafted in and they began the difficult task of making engineers look half-decent to a suspicious general public. The odds were tough. In Britain alone, 43% had believed World War II had been fought solely against engineers. Likewise, Ku Klux Klan membership soared in the US throughout the 1970s, after one newspaper report falsely labelled engineers as the “enemy of the cause”.

The PR agents began fighting back with force. Rumours and good engineering news stories entered the media like they weren’t no thang.

“Engineers saved my cat” screamed one newspaper’s headline. It went on: “Engineers ARE qualified, confirms top grad-school”, “Engineers gave us the world” and “Spare an engineer, shop a murderer” all featured front-page in popular publications around he world.

The tide began to turn. US state after state started banning the execution of engineers following half-decent inventions. The United Kingdom outlawed engineers’ sacrifice entirely in June 1988. The outlawing spread through most of the world*.

Then came Helena Aspen, aspiring model and known socialite. In one magazine interview, Aspen came out claiming she’d been to bed with “at least 75 engineers” in her time and their behaviour had been “wonderful”.

“Not once did one of them lay his hands on me inappropriately. They were all perfect gentlemen; the sleep was amazing,” Aspen said of her co-bedders.

To this day, no connection between Aspen and the PR company has ever been proved, leading observers to qualify the much-believed rumours about engineers and their bedding skills as fact.

Have you got an engineer in bed story? Have you ever been kept awake by one?

* New Zealand still permits some engineer executions in pertinent cases.

Author: The Wolly Don on June 24, 2012
Category: E, W
Tags: , ,
4 responses to “Why engineers are good in bed”
  1. [...] engineers rebranding exercise of the early 1980s appeared to use propaganda to persuade the public that all engineers were model citizens in [...]

  2. Zohan says:

    You’ve massively messed up between an engineer and a scientist. Please do correct your writing.

  3. Hi Zohan,

    I’ve had the team assess your comment for any validity and we have found it null.

    As far as any records show, not one single scientist has been sacrificed on account of his or her inventions (married ones, we’re not so sure about).

    There is no governing body called the World Scientist’s Council.

    Also, in her 1992 book “Sleeping With The Stars”, Aspen makes absolutely clear that her conquests were solely engineer-based, her distaste for those in the science-profession exacerbated by her “mother’s inability to remain faithful when so much as a chemist was in the room”.

    Thanks, however, for your remarks. Rest-assured we will be tackling scientists and their shortcomings in our old section, coming soon.

  4. raheel says:

    engineers are very creative minds…..engineers are creatre doctors are just loosers…..

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