Higgs Bosom


The Higgs Bosom – Not to be confused with the recently discovered Higgs Boson, the Higgs Bosom has been around a fair while longer.

Or not, depending on whether or not you’re talking about the 2012 (99.99% certain) discovery of the Higgs Boson or the actual coming of the Higgs Boson into existence.

You see, the Higgs Bosom is a yoga stretch, invented by an American lady in the 1930s.

The Higgs Bosom

The Higgs Bosom is the world’s only two-person yoga move.

Helena Iggs was born to Josephine and Hendrick Iggs in California in 1908. A keen student of yoga, Iggs had mastered every manoeuvre of the ancient Indian discipline by the age of 19.

By 1930, she had moved into yoga instruction and owned several branches of her own yoga school “Higgs Yoga Inc.”, taking her first initial and her surname to make the word ‘Higgs’.

Not the Higgs Bosom

Not the Higgs Bosom

The school employed several highly qualified instructors, meaning that Iggs could live an awesome life of luxury, choosing to potter about at classes as she saw fit, turn up unannounced, and generally act the celebrity at the top of her own business.

To put it bluntly: She was a bit of an arrogant bint.

It was during one of her random visits at random that Helena Iggs first met Percy. Percy Philip Lancaster was a 31 year-old, office worker and keen yoga-ite. He had enrolled in a 12 week programme at her Delano branch and that’s where he was, stretching hard in class when he first caught Iggs’ eye.

Being a lady who knew what she wanted and when she wanted it, she approached Percy and offered him some “private tuition”, free of charge right after class; a somewhat bold move for a lady in the early 1930s, but Percy liked Helena’s power, so he accepted.

It was during this first evening of “extra tuition”, Helena Iggs invented the Higgs Bosom. Pretty much by accident.

It is not a move that is particularly easy to imagine, so writing it down isn’t going to come easily. Please bear with us.

Beginning flat on her back, Iggs rolled onto her side, with her lower arm outstretched on the floor; the upper arm pointing straight upwards and her legs dead straight. Percy then repeated the position opposite her, with his legs pointing in the opposite direction.

“It was kind of like a longer, sideways ’69 position, only yoga” Iggs told Jay Leno one time.

Once in position, the pair then began to stretch. The stretch of the original Higgs Bosom involved Iggs poking out her chest towards Lancaster’s face. He in turn then stretched his neck muscles in an attempt to reach her breasts with his face. They then retracted simultaneously.

The pair joked about calling the manoeuvre “The Higgs Bosom”, but the name soon stuck and became its official name. Helena soon instructed her tutors to begin teaching the move across all schools.

Health Benefits

The health benefits of the Higgs Bosom have never been accurately measured. An always defiant Iggs has spent her life championing the move, claiming it to add “20-23 years to one’s life expectancy”, though this has never been proven.

Percy and Helena became an item after that first experimental evening and remain married to this day.

In the couple’s usual breaking with the norm, Percy took Helena’s surname after wedlock, making him the only Percy P Iggs alive on record.


Author: The Wolly Don on July 18, 2012
Category: H
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