The Muck Chuck was a special design of medieval catapult, designed for inflicting disgusting punishments upon enemies.

The Muck Chuck came in two varieties: Muck Chuck Original Long Range and, later, the Muck Chuck Close Up.

The long range edition was essentially a catapult, capable of firing a multitude of muck-types distances of up to 1500 feet (457 metres). Depending on the selected ammo, and the chosen spray settings, a variety of results could be achieved:  blindness and vomiting would result from a ‘fine spray’ of dog muck, whereas human muck set on ‘heavy load’ would achieve severe vomiting and often cause a retreat of the enemy.

The Muck Chuck Close Up was launched several years after its predecessor and was born of the increased number of prisoner catchings and desire for punishment. It was essentially a miniature version of the original design, calibrated for maximum efficiency and effectiveness at 20 feet (6 metres); It could pop a stool into a detainee’s mouth without the operator having to so much as look at the target.

Despite the technological advances in weaponry, the Muck Chuck remained in constant employment into the early 20th century, finally being taken out of service due to its futility against air artillery. Muck Chuck Close Up is still occasionally employed today, although only when the forces’ oppositional respect is below factor zero.

A Yeti Cooler is one of the few devices available in this technology-saturated world that simply does what it says on the tin: It keeps yetis cool.

Just as human beings need fans and air conditioning, yetis also need to keep themselves cool. Since the majority of human beings do not even believe in the yeti, classing the animal as little more than a myth, the market was left wide open for entrepreneur Daniel Keyes.

Keyes recognised that overheating is a common problem in the daily life of the yeti and providing them with a method of keeping cool represented a huge opportunity, particularly as there is no rich-poor gap in yeti society: they are all rich.

Laughed out of the patent office, Keyes made sure he had the last laugh. In a self-absorbed wealth-parade, he arranged for a metric tonne of bank notes to be dropped on the roof of the patent office late one night, rendering the patent office roofless. A point well made.

Despite the huge worldwide distribution of Yeti Coolers, no public member has ever reported to seeing one. Keyes has kept the Siberian showroom location highly classified and only yeti community members have ever been issued with log in details for the online store.

In 2001 a Daily Mirror reporter, dressed as a yeti, infiltrated the initial security parameters of the showroom, but was denied access further after a bank check revealed he did not possess the funds of a yeti. His ejection resulted in severe amnesia, though he is believed to be alive and well, albeit wandering the plains of Siberia aimlessly. Still in costume.

In the early 80′s Xan Campos decided for himself that he was the 2nd coming for communist Cuba’s people and decided to launch a campaign to take over the United States and spread communism throughout the world.

His life was full of sadness and depression that eventually led to his loving parody of Che Guevara becoming a serious attempt at fighting for the communist cause and ultimately ended in his tragic death.

Xan was a quiet child born to an former Cuban baseball star and a farm girl. He grew up in poor Havana. His love for music never veered beyond being able to keenly listen and his love for sport never went beyond watching his father throw balls towards his chubby face.

Overweight and depressed he found a hero in the great Che Guevara and in ’79 at the age of 19 he decided he would do something with his life and go on the road reinacting Che’s greatest moments. The dodgy wig and spotty complexion did nothing for the show except push it into strange comedic obscurity which ultimately led to greater depression and a reliance on precription medication.

In May 1981, Xan, according to close sources, was a complete mess, but this is when his greatest moment came. Armed with a can of spray paint he went about amazing an army of locals to help row across the sea for the attack on the United States with the intention of bringing Communism to the mainland before embarking on a worldwide takeover.

This attempt failed but the cause continued for another 4 years. In 1985 he had enlisted 3 people and set sail for the USA for covert operations.

He was never seen again. A few strange internet consiracy theorists believe he made it and some have even recently said that he is party responsible for the recent election of the more socialist Barack Obama.

‘Make A Fart’ is the only ever feature on popular children’s TV show Blue Peter to have received a complaint.

By the time presenter Marvin Thompson had finished his introductory link, which mentioned the upcoming ‘how to’ feature, 16’000 angry parents had telephoned the BBC to express their disgust at the programme’s content.

A further two promotions for the ‘Make A Fart’ segment occured during the episode, angering even more parents. By the time Racqui Wand came to present the ‘Make A Fart’ instructions, which made use of Blue Peter’s famous ‘Here’s one I made earlier’ line, the Television Centre had received roughly 90’000 telephone calls. Around 5’000 of them were from overseas or areas where television signals could not be received, which astonished programme bosses somewhat.

By the end of the 25 minute broadcast, The Daily Mail had published a front page complaint on the matter, which ended by calling for the heads of those responsible, the BBC had received nearly 1 million complaints, around half in letter form and commuters on the train home, who clearly hadn’t even seen the show, were calling to complain.

The Six O’Clock News that night opened with Thompson and Wand resigning from the show. Their co-presenter, Adrian Wilkes, later told how the experience drove him to a £3000 a day drug habit.

Wet Sea is a small, sleepy, but popular, fishing village on the coast of Cornwall, England. It is named so for being the place where the sea was first discovered to be wet.

Unlike history’s noted discoveries, such as those by Cook, Columbus and Crapper, the discovery that the sea is wet was swept under the carpets by the UK government. Besides the increased military threat from such a discovery, people were somewhat embarrassed that the discovery had been made by a hippy.

In 1961, a stoned Roger Finch, accidentally fell into the sea at Wet Sea. As his body slowly came round, he proclaimed: “It’s wet! The sea is wet like the tap stuff!”

This line was later translated and edited into a well known Shakespeare play, in an attempt to cover up this discovery’s year.

Vallicelli was a famous 12th century composer, who also lent his name to a popular shape of pasta, as well as a musical instrument.

Born in Cookham, near Maidenhead, England, John Vallicelli was a disease-stricken and runt-like young man. After losing his family in a walking accident at the age of 12, Vallicelli set about smartening up his life.

In a Hollywood-style montage, Vallicelli cut his hair, gained around 10kg of muscle, smashed up the local bullies and rid himself of dyslexia, in just three minutes. It did not take Vallicelli much more time for him to discover his amazing musical and cooking abilities.

Much of Vallicelli’s work was initially lost, but was found lurking in a Romanian scholar’s office sometime in 1985. She set about reworking the sounds to suit the modern day and the legacy of the English composer was born overnight.

Vallicelli’s most notable works include ‘Civetta! Civetta!’, ‘Miei famiglia‘ and ‘Il bullo’.

‘Unhinged cards’ is an entertainment industry term for stand up comics who are on the brink of insanity. Usually used by management, recent years have seen the term’s use popularised and now means almost any comedian with loose cannon tendencies.

In 2004, Mike Rolands was dubbed an unhinged card after he stayed up all night boozing with the management of a respected London comedy venue. During the session, he referred to the management as ‘greedy hypocritical sinners’ after discovering their takings for the night. He then went on what can only be descibed as a rampage, gutting the entire venue, stating that it “stank a bit funny and needed a clean!”

Later that same year, Casey Fletcher gained the title after he pulled out and displayed a penis from a window of his tour bus, resulting in the death of three older women in the coach sat adjacent in the traffic. It wasn’t even his penis.

In 2007, Laura Lyons proved that women are just as deserving of the ‘unhinged card’ badge, when she viciously attacked a male heckler from the crowd of one of her Edinburgh festival dates. After several visits to the man in hospital, the pair are now happily married and are said to enjoy a good laugh about how they met.

‘The Munter’, also known as Christopher Henry Davies, has consistently been voted ‘History’s Ugliest Man’, since the year 676AD. Taking the title just six years after the award’s conception, images of Christopher have continually been judged by a secret panel of teenage girls to be the single most repulsive human face to ever have been seen on Earth.

Recent years have proved challenging for ‘The Munter’, as competition from the likes of Ted Danson, Gary Busey, Steve Tyler and, more recently, Amy Winehouse has swayed some of the judges’ attentions, but the title has remained safely in Davies’ hands.

The annual prize (some say compensation) of ten gold coins, has continued its equal division amongst Davies’ descendants, making some of them incredibly, and unfairly, rich. This has upset a small minority of taxpayers, who are mathematically illusioned into believing that their entire annual contribution is blown entirely on the prize.

Governments employ many tools and apparatus to ensure their populations remain under strict control. One method in which they do this is by restricting the evolution of one of earth’s most man-made AND organic creations: language.

Imagine if language were to be set free, beyond the control of newspapers, televisions, dictionaries and the internet? All hell could break lose. And, what’s more, the government would be helpless as it wouldn’t understand what everyone was saying.

That’s where Slang Pillocks come in. Officially known as Language Spies, Slang Pillocks are responsible for reporting back to the government any changes in language they stumble across on the streets. They are always listening.

That weird guy standing extra close to you and your kids in the supermarket queue: he’s a Slang Pillock. The local nutter who likes to wave at cars: a Slang Pillock. That smelly, boozed up guy on the bus – you guessed it – a Slang Pillock. So be careful what you say.

Slang Pillocks were top secret up until 1997 when a young recruit, Rodney Simpson, was murdered in a bizarre incident of road rage. Many colleagues believe he showed true inexperience when he climbed into the back seat of gang leader Trevor Boxer’s car and attempted to sit there, listening in.

The medicinal values of fudge have been known since around 313BC. A 2Kg dose has the abilities to wipe out three common colds, taking around five minutes to do so. 1.25Kg of ginger fudge can clear up a skin rash, taking only 35 minutes to miraculously do so. If you down 0.5Kg of chocolate coated fudge, you will find those aching joints go away, in seconds, for life.

The idea of Rescue Fudge came about after Dr. Louis Campbell added some fudge to his first aid kit. While out on a trek that week, he stumbled across a fellow trekker, who had gotten lost, overshot his path, and landed in a pool of cold, slightly acidic water. He had been there for half an hour.

Dr. Campbell offered the traveller some of his fudge, an unknown concoction, which cleared the traveller of the cold he had caught, soothed his aching joints and cleared up the rash caused by the pH of the water.

Nowadays, ambulance staff, coastguards, cliff rescue teams and firefighters all carry a portion of Rescue Fudge, in case of emergency.